Lost Love Poem ~
Strategy
by Maria H

He lost it
That one time
NO, it is not what you’re thinking
He lost the grip on those brick walls
These walls he held steady for a decade, a half and more
They dropped like the cement rock they were
So lifelessly revealing his beating heart
Like a cold naked woman
No sheet between her
Clinging to the heat rising from her ivory form
No guard against the immovable force of nature that is his stare
Her stare
And she was totally unaware
Until he lost it

Then she saw it all
That grip that slipped blinded her as it shielded him
From letting her see the depths that this cold hard heart could reach
She peered into those muddy pools and saw it all
Like they were Jamaican seas
Clear as day
Right in front of her eyes was someone so dead inside
Brought back to life
Someone so harsh
Who spoken only kind words in soft tones
Someone so selfish and brass
Put pillows around the suggestions he spoke
And metal shields to block the daggers others threw
For her
He lost it
And she saw he would do anything for her

And she knew it
She knew it and she was scared
Not by the bottomless pit that was his heart that she finally saw
Ready to take her in
Cradle her
Go to great lengths just to put a smile on an angel’s face
But she was scared because she never wanted anything more
His unintentional everything was exactly the cure for her bleeding heart
Wounds unbounded cut again and again
But only by the little lad running with scissors
She could never blame him
But here it is
The answer to her search she never remembered starting
Finally when she thought she had everything little girls could ever want
Here he is
Open, naked
And she felt special
For only her eyes could see the unthinkable
Read his mind like no-one else
And nobody needed to know that
Not even him

Him who stops and glares at her in hallways when she walks by
He doesn’t think she sees but she does
Him who giggles like a schoolboy pitching marbles
At every dry remark she makes
Every time her nose wriggles
Every time she does something even distant relative to comedy
Him who brightens a little when she is around
Him who always says her name though there is no reason to
Him who pushes her to the edge until she cries for mercy
Because he knows she of all people can fly
Him who dare not touch her because he wouldn’t be able to stop
Him who gazes at her, always
Like the morning sun emerging from dark clouds
Brighter and brighter as her smile grows wider
Only to feel sharp pain when she is ailing
Only to twinge when she says his name
Clutches her hands to her heart
Looks up to the sky as to say thank you Lord for bringing “him” to me
Him who wishes that “him” was him

He guesses now that she knows for she smiled
When she didn’t mean to
And even if she didn’t
He lost it
The grip on those old walls
Those old friends that kept him separate from everything and everyone in one way or another
Those old pals that allowed him to mold his clayey soul into rock slowly eroding away
Until he looked at her one day differently only to become clay again

Now he must reclaim something to keep her at a distance
Protecting him? Protecting her?
He doesn’t know but he knows that he should have a strategy
She was already guaranteed a fluffy cloud far above his head
While his feet burned
So he knew that he could never truly hold her in his arms
All he could do was mess with her
Just a little
Make her angry
Make her forsaken
Make her the butt of jokes
Make her the center of attention
Make her the pariah
Make her the queen
Make her the peasant
Make her anything that would make her see him
Just him
Even for a moment
He felt a little guilty
You could see it in his childish countenance
But he didn’t care
Because he lost it
And he wanted it back because he was naked

She saw it
She saw it all
She was hurt a little
But only because she discovered he reckoned her dull
Brainless, dim-witted, stupid
If he thought she could not see through everything now
After all, the walls were down
And that little “strategy” was like putting up glass ones
She could still see him
She just couldn’t touch
Couldn’t jar him like she used to
Have him beaming like a little boy again
Pure innocence, joy and excitement in his eyes when he spoke with her
No, she couldn’t get to him like she used to
And it was killing her

But she could say nothing
Nothing that wouldn’t scare him away
Nothing that wouldn’t bring dishonor to her name
Nothing that wouldn’t break “his” heart
The heart of her lover who didn’t know how to love her
And nothing that she was sure would not break hers

It all came down to this
This strategy of mind games where the hearts are not the faces of cards but within these two bodies
He lost it and he would do anything to get it back
And she would do anything to get back to the way things were before she knew it all
Knew him all
For when the walls fell
So did she and she didn’t want to get back up but she knew she must
He was everything she needed and she didn’t know it
She was everything he wanted and he didn’t see it
Until he lost it.


Written by Maria H
copyright ©2009 Maria H